really.

i'm sitting in the groton public library, and it is quiet and cool and there are dark skies outside and green trees. this is a moment of happiness.

yesterday at my parents' house i watched as selkie sat on the top of the chair and brushed my mom's hair for money. originally offered fifty cents, selkie had talked her into $5 for 10 minutes of brushing. she had swindled her own grandmother, who, being so desperate for her favorite form of indulgence, gave in and handed the kid a five-spot.

in that second, watching selkie's face gleam with the reward, watching my mother find a bit of laughter amidst her sadness, i had an overwhelming glimpse of pure happiness. it lasted a second long. it was an electric shock of a moment, but it was real and it was alive and the gratitude that hit me afterwards was profound.

ah, this is what it feels like.

last night visiting my dearest, oldest friend (younger than me, though, she'd be sure to point out): she indulged me ol' vegan heart and we found a food truck down the street from her work. we ordered soy blt and rosemary french fries and shared them on a bench in the warm cambridge air, laughing about unmentionables and things that can't be put into print. and there it was again--that brief little glimmer of happy that slapped me across the face and left me giggling long after it had retreated into the evening shadows.

and then this morning, after a fitful night of sleep, curled up in bed with my nine-year old boy next to me, amazed that he still remembers how to put his head on my shoulder and nestle right in, as if he needed me still. another pinch of reality that was nothing but joy.

is this what it is like?

in a little while i will strap on my backpack and take the four-mile walk back to my in-laws house, hopefully getting rained on during the journey. it is a warm rain today. summer rain. nothing smells better than massachusetts summer rain on the streets that i love so much.

its okay if this glow goes away, you know. it will. but for this moment i am just reveling in the grace that has been presented to me, and the awareness that is allowing me to claim it.