le fin.

and we're here.

the road trip is officially over, and it seems that we have survived it all. last night we left jersey city at 9pm and drove to massachusetts, listening to joe castiglione talk us through the endless red sox/rays game. the kids finally fell asleep in the back seat for the first time, until selkie woke up wailing two hours into the trip with her foot asleep.

we pulled over on the highway and i climbed in the back and sat between the two of them, heads resting on my shoulder as i massaged some life back into selkie's foot. we put in the lullaby coldplay cd in hopes it could find her some peace, but really, i think it was just the fact that i was sitting with them back there. quite a novelty.

the three of us were snug in the expansive prius back seat, and i tried to savor every second of the last hours til home. my other home. i listened to the game and tried to whisper comments to alex up front but gave up and closed my eyes.

yesterday, before we left jersey, i went to a funeral for the husband of an old friend from college. i am so glad that i got to be there for her, amidst all of the people who love her so much, and i was amazed at her strength.

i kept thinking that we were all way too young to be attending something like this. it wasn't fair.

i saw people i haven't seen for 17 years; good people who take care of the other side of the country while i toil away on the west coast. i hugged them tightly and marveled at how time had changed us but then again changed nothing. we were still the same.

my friend kelley said something in her beautiful eulogy about going home and hugging your kids, your husband, your friends; calling up those you love and telling them directly, telling them today, because you might not have another chance to do so.

today, now that this long trip is finally over and i am sitting on my parents' blue couch while my dad watches cartoons with my kids, my mom sleeps off her night shift and my husband reads the boston globe, i want to say how grateful i am for this ever-loving, crazy-ass journey on this planet. i am grateful to know so many stunning human beings who make this world better just by breathing the air up here. i am grateful to be a part o the messiness and the clutter of this life.

i am so thankful to be loved.

please consider yourself hugged tightly. i am holding you to me right now.

and i want to say thanks to the patron saint of prius-driving, crazy liberal, family-of-four-traveling whackjobs. you got us here safely and i am indebted to your kindness. you did a damn fine job of watching over us.

i would light a candle for you if i knew your name.