mass

its been a while.

we went up to new hampshire with my family, and stayed in a condo with no internet. who has a condo to rent with no internet these days? i mean, yes, the river behind the house was lovely and the mountains were beautiful, but damnit, how am i supposed to get my emails?

now i'm at my in-laws, listening to my husband scrape the side of their house in preparation for painting while talking to his mom about the red sox. he's going deeper into the season then i have the knowledge to follow. i'm glad he has her to talk to about this.

i'm making soup from scratch right now, no recipe in sight, just feeling my way along. i think that this has become my general approach to my life in general, with a heaping amount of fresh rosemary thrown in for good measure. lots of spices and herbs. lots of missteps and possible bad choices, but in the end it all seems to taste okay.

i seem to taste okay.

i have about 10 days left in my massachusetts life, then i'm back to california and all the people there who keep my sane and whole. i'm full of apprehension about going back to cali, because i'm about to become a college student again, at the same time that i am a full-time teacher and mom.

not sure how i'm going to pull that shit off, to be honest.

end of summer always makes me melancholy. i'm sure if i went back to my previous blog i'd find longing posts that rhapsodize about late summer memories, all to the tune of "boys of summer" by don henley. "out on the road today, i saw a deadhead sticker on a cadillac, a little voice inside my head said, don't look back, you can never look back".

it was many many years into my life until i really understood what a deadhead sticker was. i think i spent my adolescent years convinced that the grateful dead worshipped the devil, along with kiss and ozzy osbourne.

i didn't really have broad taste in music back then. i listened to mostly pop radio, and didn't have an awareness of good music. except for the beastie boys, thank you very much, and they were given to me by someone else.

anyway, i digress.

i miss my dogs and my closet, and the ability to choose a different colored pair of converse to wear. i can't wait to see the seventeen children who will make up my kindergarten class this year. i'm looking forward to routine again. my routine.

however, as we crossed the new hampshire line last night into massachusetts, i felt my heart leap, simply because i read the name of the state where i was born. i love this place, body and soul. still can't deny it, still don't want to.

i will forever be lodged here; a piece of my heart left behind each and every time i take off for my home away from home.