What Am I Working On Now?
ha ha ha. what, indeed? right now i am working on getting through the last four days of school, watching my son graduate 6th grade, and keeping a close eye on my cat who seems to be in the last throes of her cranky, lovable existence. in terms of my blog, i think i am working on the idea that my voice is necessary, and that i have a right to speak in this way. i am working on solidifying a habit of attentive writing, as well as carving out time to do this.
i am also working on my long-lost idea that i should write a children's book.
How Does My Work Differ From Others In My Genre?
i think i would be categorized as a "mommy-blogger", god help me. i know that is how i started: being able to talk about parenting in a real and truthful way was so good for me, and saved me more than a few times. i struggle with the need for my work. i often take breaks from writing, feeling like i've said everything there is to say. except that's just not true. the trouble is, i know i could say so much more but i find myself censoring my creative output. mostly because i write about my life, and i know there will be consequences for opening up even more than i already have.
it's hard enough reading my mom's comments now. can't imagine what would happen if i really let loose.
why is my voice important? i really don't know. my combative relationship with my self-worth sometimes is too loud, and i err on the side of silence.
i don't like this about myself. working on this one.
Why Do I Write What I Do?
sorta just answered that above, but to elaborate: i need to speak it, and speak it loudly. i'm not in favor of privacy, especially when it pertains to hiding emotions that are scary or challenging. i like to be the voice in the room that opens the windows with my thoughts. i will admit things that others hide, but it's not just the audacity of that move that i feel important writing about. it's that i need to explore every nook and cranny within myself. more than anything, i need to make connections with others in this life. i need to feel validated by my humanness, so i say everything in hopes someone else will find herself connected to me, and vice versa.
i've been told that i'm an empath. i think that's true.
How Does My Process Work?
yes, indeed. process. my process looks like this:
i go a few weeks without writing, but i find moments throughout each day that i want to elaborate on. but then i forget them, in the midst of all of the chaos of my world. so i walk around with a nagging sensation that i NEED to write, that there is SOMETHING i must say, but i can't seem to remember it so i continue my journey until it hits me over the head again and i try to squeeze in fifteen minutes at the kitchen table with my ipad in front of me and my family in the background.
just as i wrote this, there was a small earthquake which coincided with my son falling down; we couldn't tell for a moment if the force of his fall shook the house or if the tectonic plates were arguing.
after it stopped shaking he came to me asking where his drawing book was in a plaintive tone, telling me he couldn't find it anywhere. it was, of course, on the table next to me.
that is my process.
that is what happens when i write this blog. and honestly, sometimes i'm not sure why i keep doing it, except that this is the place where i can be the clearest version of myself. the most holly that i can possibly be exists here.
i try my best.
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