faded.

three days in, and we're all exhausted.

i've slept with both kids for the past couple of nights, which is problematic.  i try to remind myself that they won't want this forever, but its hard to hold that close at 3am with knees in my lower back and yet another elbow in my breast.  i love them, but i want my own space at night.

this, coupled with the fact that their father has had his own hotel bed for the past four days weighs on me.

milo has decided that there is nothing to live for except the next minecraft time, which means he's refusing card and board games with his grandfather.  i know this is normal and all, but why does he have to be such a dick about it?

selkie won't leave my dad alone, which he loves.  she keeps crawling all over him, snuggling in deep.  he told her the other day that he's pretty sure her tailbone has grown more pointy since the winter, to which she replied, "i've been working on that."

yesterday my brother and i drove into worcester to buy beer at a local brewery.  this is something my brother does.  we sat at the bar and had a beer together and talked a bit.  pretty sure that this is the kind of bonding my mother was swooning about before we left together, but better not to comment on it too much.  don't want to call attention to it.

meanwhile, my parents argue about regular things: washing clothes, the pool toys, dinner choices, etc.  it's comforting and ridiculous at the same time.

a few days ago i went to the public library, the home of my first real job.  i sat up in the mezzanine (or what they call the "quiet study" now) and wrote some stuff, did some work, daydreamed out the window.  it was a cloudy day, drizzly and warm, and i felt like i could've been any age.  it could've been me at 17 or me at 67.  i was timeless.

i also went to yoga this morning.  haven't been in thousands of years, and it felt so good.  it was aided by the fact that the teacher had a strong mass accent, so things like "downwahd dog" and "find youah

centa" went straight to my heart-core.

i've gotten really good at driving my parents' kia.

tonight we'll roast s'mores by the pool again, and watch as milo burns his to a crisp and selkie patiently browns hers to a warm glow.  they'll play with their cousins, watch a movie, try to go to sleep under the massachusetts sky.

meanwhile, i'll be more myself, somehow.  i'll be more of what i am and less of what i was.  i'll be alternately at home and a stranger in a strange, strange land. 

my dad just said, "can we take a little break so i can have some beer?"  he's trying to teach my niece how to swim, and she's seconds away from it happening.  

little miracles in any language.