how? or in other words, love.

i am in awe of all of you.

you, people, humans. all of you. i just don't know how you do it. how you manage it all. how you can speak happiness and contentment and grace, projecting it all out there, into the universe and the water and the air and beyond. you all amaze me.

how can you be apart from the one you love, so far away from you, and still manage your life and your kids and your heart so fully, ably, astoundingly so?

how can you wake up in the morning with him gone forever?

how can you be grateful, always? how can you have that feeling inside of you consistently?
seriously, how can you? can you teach me?

how can the wisdom of your words effortlessly piss me off so much that i judge myself, when in actuality all you are talking about is love?

how can you be so wonderful still, years after i last spent time with you? how has the magic stayed with you so deeply and darkly ingrained under your skin?

how can you work so fucking hard, be so good at your job, be the most brilliant woman i've ever known, and be brave enough to change your address to another continent? be brave enough to find love that pulls you over there?

how can you be strong enough to ignore the madness that is this new way of talking to each other?

how can you be my brother and not know anything about me?

how can your cat have the smushiest, lushest cat face i've ever seen?

how can you know how much it hurts to see you sad?

how can i articulate anything anymore?

how can there live such unaccountable beauty in the faces of your daughters? how can a photograph translate that so much of that beauty is revealed because of how they walk in this world?

how can this be anything but judgment?

how can i think that this life is anything but a plentitude of booty, in all its shapes and forms?

how can i get the courage to just write the goddamn kids' book that i want to write? and how can i stop telling myself that everyone has a goddamn kids' book that they want to write, so that means i shouldn't even try?

how can i make a headboard for my bed out of reclaimed materials?

how can i live with less?

how can my daughter find new ways to explore every single day? how can i steal this from her?

how can i express how grateful i am to all of you, for reminding me of all of this?

if nothing else, if nothing else, if nothing else, we all have each other.