is this what its going to be like every night for the next three years? am i going to dissolve into hysterical tears while my daughter wails for me in the background and i sit at my crappy little desk in the chair with a hole in it (so that i have to have two pillows on top of it)? am i going to try and focus on answering questions about the state of california's public schools and specifically what teaching training is needed to address the issues for low-income families while my children beg for my attention?
what should my focus be here?
why the fuck am i doing this to myself?
i feel so low right now, so very fucking low, dear readers. i know this will pass and this is, after all, the first week of the great graduate school experiment but sweet jesus, i am in a giant clusterfuck of fear right now.
i am wayoverwhelmed.
to my dear holly lash -
ReplyDeletei absolutely know that feeling of fear and exhaustion at the idea of things, and i know that you need to find resolution in yourself. however, even though what any of us have to say might not mean much, i'm very, very smart - so listen up.
you are amazing. you are an incredible mother and an extraordinary teacher. your children are loved and adored by you, and they know that.
i think you are going to get a lot out of this grad school experience, but if after a while you still feel like it's too much, you will stop doing it, and i promise the world will not end.
your kids know how much you love them, and if you are not able to respond to every cry for attention, it does not mean they are needy, unloved children with a neglectful mother, it means their mom is doing something else right this second.
it's not always going to feel this hard.
you're doing an amazing job, and i'm so proud of you. i love you. - mer
What Mer said. Right down to the I love you part.
ReplyDeletelove you both too. thanks for the 'couragement.
ReplyDelete