balloon

the crickets are still awake here in the depths of early morning, and i'm sitting in my kitchen waiting for the rest of the world to wake up.

last night i watched my boy say goodbye to a balloon that he accidentally let go of, and saw the disappointment play out on his face like a movie. he argued with himself, saying it was not a big deal, but couldn't deny the tears leaking out the sides of his eyes.

"i don't know why i feel like this, mommy."

and all i can do is to tell him it all makes sense, and that there is nothing wrong with him, and that i know exactly how he feels. still, i can't help but think that i have doomed this lovely boy with the emotional weight of my genes.

sometimes it feels like there's nothing heavier.